


Duty. Devotion. Self-sacrifice

by Seeress



Series: Unborn Tomorrows [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Javi just wants Yuzu to smile, M/M, Realizations, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 23:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seeress/pseuds/Seeress
Summary: It's Javier's wedding day and his old friends are invited.





	Duty. Devotion. Self-sacrifice

“You know, I always thought you’d end up together, You and Yuzu,” Misha said conversationally, swirling the wine in his glass, looking at Yuzuru’s distant form, “I guess one never really knows.”

“What?” Javi said, sputtering into laughter. “What are you talking about?

Misha looked at Javi in mild surprise. “You and Yuzu.”

“What about me and Yuzu?” Javier asked, head tilted to the side.

Misha began to realize that he may have overstepped his bounds. They were in the middle of Javi’s wedding party and the place was full of family and friends of both the groom and the bride.

“I’m sorry, my bad. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m happy for you, man.” Misha said, reaching out to pat Javi on the shoulder.

“Thanks. But why would you think I’d end up with Yuzu?” Javier asked, looking genuinely curious.

“‘You serious?” Misha said, looking at Javi, his eyes growing wider by the second. “I assumed you were together. I mean we all did. And then I thought you guys were cool even if it’s over since he’s here and all.”

“Together? Like a couple?” Javier asked, frowning now.

“Yeah. I was always a bit envious of you two, you know. How easy it was for you, how happy you always looked. Relationships are hard, especially for us figure skaters, and somehow you made it work. So that’s what I meant, I thought you’d make it.”

“Misha, Yuzu and I, we’re not together like that. We’re just friends,” Javier said slowly, as if explaining something to a child.

“Just friends,” Misha said, gaping at Javier. “Oh, well. I’m sorry, Javi. I guess I don’t know what I’m saying. I really am happy for you,” Misha said, patting Javi's shoulder again, before standing up to leave. 

Javier frowned. He didn’t like the pity he saw in Misha’s eyes.

He didn’t have to look hard to find Yuzuru in the crowd. Despite his small frame, Yuzuru had presence enough for three people. Javier could always tell where Yuzuru was; he was _always_ aware where Yuzuru was, like a compass finding north. 

Right now, Yuzuru was talking with Javier’s sister. He had always gotten along well with Laura. She looked nice tonight, in a soft burgundy-colored dress, her long hair up in a bun. But Yuzuru, Javier thought, looked exceptionally good. His charcoal grey suit obviously tailor made to showcase his deceptively slim form. Javier knew first hand how toned Yuzuru’s body is. The flawless, porcelain skin covering superbly toned muscles. No, Yuzuru’s skin was not flawless, Javier remembered. He has a birthmark on his right hip, visible when Yuzuru takes off his towel in the locker room, shaped like a lopsided heart. He would tease Yuzuru about it, touching the birthmark, tracing the asymmetrical outline with his fingers. 

Yuzuru had been quiet all day, almost subdued. He smiled and gave appropriate responses - Javier knew, he checks - but the loud braying laughs that make his eyes crinkle until they almost disappear were absent. He saw Yuzuru seated by Brian and the other skaters during the wedding ceremony. He tried to catch Yuzuru’s eye several times but Yuzuru kept his eyes down, as if fascinated by his hands, or looking straight ahead, listening intently to the priest talk about love and the joy of being one with your spouse. 

Javier saw Yuzuru smile at Laura, the first genuine smile Javier had seen him make all day, and he felt a pang of envy. More than a pang, more like spiteful hands clutching tight inside his chest. He wanted that smile to be directed at him.

He saw Yuzuru hesitate but push through with a hug for Laura. Javier knew there was a closeness between his sister and his former rinkmate that went deeper than what two people who only saw each other a handful of times ought to have. Laura treated Yuzuru like a brother, yes, but at the heart of it was warmth and gratitude for taking good care of Javier when she and her family could not. Javier groused but he didn’t really mind when the two ganged up on him, Laura always taking Yuzuru’s side, and vice-versa. It made him happy how his family has taken Yuzuru in, enveloping him in their wide, chaotic, but always loving arms.

The hug went on for longer than Javier was expecting, the clasp of their arms tight. When they finally separated, Laura kept Yuzuru’s hands in hers and squeezed it, saying something that made Yuzuru nod and smile again. Javier frowned. If he didn’t know better, it looked like they were saying goodbye. 

Yuzuru broke off from Laura and walked to where Brian and Tracy were, off to the side, under the jacaranda tree in full bloom. For a whimsical moment, Javier thought how like the tree Yuzuru was; beautiful, delicate flowers hiding strength and resilience. He looks soft and fragile but Javier knew there is steel in his core. The odd thing is that Javier also knew that Yuzuru projects strength because there is a weakness within that he dares not let others see. Javier has been one of the privileged few whom Yuzuru has allowed to really see what’s beneath and he zealously guards that privilege, savoring the knowledge that he, Javier Fernandez, knows Yuzuru Hanyu in a way that none of his multitude of fans or other rivals ever will.

He saw Brian clap an arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders. It was a gesture Javier has seen a dozen times before. It silently said _good job, i’m proud of you_ but not in the way that meant they had skated great and won. It was the consoling arm that said _you did your best, you can be proud of what you have done, even if you didn’t win_. Tracy touched Yuzuru’s cheek and Yuzuru moved to hug her. Javier could only see the back of Yuzuru’s head but he could see Tracy fighting back tears as she hugged him. 

Javier was distracted when his name was called by one of his mother’s many cousins, an aunt who has always had a soft spot for Javier. She beckoned him over. Javier willingly suffered through hugs, cheek pinches, and more hugs as she told him how handsome he looked today at the altar, how so like his grandfather when he was young, a man Javier only remembers from old pictures. They were joined by other aunts who added to the cooing and cheek pinching, proffering stories of way back when Javier was only this high and how happy they are for him and his beautiful bride. 

When Javier looked around during a pause in the reminiscences of Javier as a young boy, Yuzuru was nowhere to be seen. The unease that Javier didn’t even know he was feeling surged to the forefront. It had felt like Yuzuru was saying goodbye. But that’s absurd. Javier knew Yuzuru’s flight isn’t until two days later. There was supposed to be a picnic tomorrow for close family and Javier’s guests who had flown in for the wedding, a way for everyone to relax after a night of excess and for the Madrilenos to showcase their city.

Javier hastily excused himself from his aunts, his charming smile hiding the pounding in his chest. He found Laura at the other end of the garden and, with an expertly wielded smile, managed to extricate her from a group of laughing women.

“What’s wrong, Javi?” she asked, anxious in the face of his agitation.

“Have you seen Yuzu? I can’t find him,” Javier said, silently begging her to tell him he’s just around somewhere, probably having fun with Misha and Jun Hwan. But he saw the group of male skaters by the bar and Yuzuru was not with them.

“Probably already left. He said he had a flight to catch,’ she said.

Damn it. Javier _knew_ something was wrong. “He’s not supposed to leave until day after tomorrow,” he said. 

Laura shrugged, opening her hands in a helpless gesture.

“He hasn’t said goodbye,” Javier said, in a tone caught between hurt and panic. “I’m gonna go look for him. Laura, if she looks for me, please, can you tell her I’ve gone and done something. Anything. Just think of something.”

“Javi…” she said, catching his hand as he turned to go. There was concern in her eyes, but warning as well.

“Please, Laura. He didn’t say goodbye. He’s leaving and he didn’t say goodbye,” Javier said, almost desperate.

Laura let him go. He went through the crowd as fast as he could, graciously smiling and greeting people but inexorably working his way to the far end of the garden, towards the manor where Javier’s guests, including Yuzuru, were staying. He took the middle staircase to the second floor and turned right to the end of the long hall. He knew where Yuzuru’s room was. He settled him in himself when he arrived, telling him how happy he was that Yuzuru could come after all. Yuzuru had said this was too important a day to Javier for Yuzuru to miss it. They hugged and he smelled of oranges and spice. 

Javier knocked on the door but didn’t wait for a response. He turned the old fashioned knob and pushed open the door. He saw Yuzuru looking back at him in surprise, eyes wide and his mouth a small o. He had already shed his formal suit and was now wearing comfortable pants, shirt, and sneakers. Travel clothes. He saw a jacket folded on top of the packed suitcase. 

“Javi,” Yuzuru said in surprise. But there was pleasure as well in the tone, in the soft look thrown Javier’s way.

“Laura said you’re leaving,” Javier said, walking into the room.

Yuzuru nodded, biting his lip. “I got an earlier flight.”

“You weren't gonna say goodbye?” Javier said. He was trying for playful but the voice came out hurt. 

Yuzuru smiled gently at him. “I didn’t want to disturb you from your guests. But I’m glad you’re here. I can say goodbye properly.”

“And come, I have something for you.” Yuzuru took Javier’s hand and led him to the bed. There were two large rectangular boxes on the bed; black lacquered, one had a scattering of pink sakura petals, the other had gold bamboo design. “There was delay, it only arrived this afternoon. I tell Laura to give to you tomorrow. 

“Sit,” Yuzuru said, gesturing to the bed. Yuzuru sat himself and gave Javier a pleased little smile. The knot of anxiety that had been building up in Javier’s stomach all day started to unravel. If Yuzuru was smiling again, then things can’t be that bad after all. 

Yuzuru pulled the black and gold box closer. “This is for you. My gift for... for today,” Yuzuru said, his smile as gentle as ever. “Open,” he said, with little urging motions.

Javier lifted the top and saw folded silk of such deep blue it was almost black. He touched it almost reverently.

“It’s kimono and hakama, full set,” Yuzuru said, touching the fabric as well with obvious pleasure. “Everything you need is in the box. Difficult to wear. But I found a Japanese couple who lives close. Not Madrid but close. I talk with them and they agree to help you dress if you want to wear this. Name and address on the table,” Yuzuru said inclining his head towards the writing desk.

“Yuzu, this looks very expensive,” Javier said.

Yuzuru shook his head firmly. “It is just a thing.”

“The other box is… it’s for her. I didn’t know what colors she likes so I pick ones that I know would please you to see. Shades of blue. I know you like blue.” 

Javier thought he didn’t particularly like blue more than other colors. But Yuzuru’s pale skin looked especially good in blue and had always told him so. 

“Wanted to give you something you can treasure. And maybe remind you of me sometimes.” Yuzuru took one of Javier’s hands, held it in both of his. “We are very different, Javi, you and I. But I’m happy we met. You give me much joy,” Yuzuru said. The soft, gentle look in his eyes was almost too blinding for Javier to bear.

“We’re not that different, us Spanish are just louder,” Javier said, trying for a joke, because Yuzuru sounds like he’s saying goodbye and the knot on Javier’s stomach is back.

“I’m Japanese. We don’t do grand passions. We have family. Duty. Devotion. Self-sacrifice.” Yuzuru traced Javier’s face with his eyes, his soft hands still holding one of Javier’s. “I see you with her, and you look happy. That’s all I really wanted, for you to be happy.”

After a gentle squeeze, Yuzuru released Javier’s hand, soft smile ever present. 

Javier's hand felt bereft, missing the touch. The tight knot has migrated up his chest, and now constricting his throat. He had worried all day that Yuzuru’s smiles were not reaching his eyes, the beautiful eyes remaining lifeless. Now Yuzuru’s smile was gentle, and his eyes were soft with emotion and Javier can hardly bear it. He doesn’t deserve this regard. 

He doesn’t know what to do if he never sees it again. 

Yuzuru closed his eyes and formally bowed to Javier. “ _Osewa ni narimashita_.” He straightened, and repeated the phrase in words Javier can understand. “Thank you, Javi, for taking care of me.”

Yuzuru got up. He grabbed his jacket and luggage handle. 

“Yuzu.” Don’t go. I’m sorry. I hurt. I need you. Please stay. So many words, not enough time.

“Bye-bye, Javi,” Yuzuru looked like he would say something more but just smiled instead.

Javier watched him walk away and the door closed behind him. This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a drabble that ran away with me. I was full of SAD and I knew if I wrote in Medals I would just make Yuzu regress to Chapter 1. Hence, this one. Which I wrote crying with a tissue box beside me. I did say I was full of SAD right? At least it's a stand alone. Imagine if this was the final chapter of [Medals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532987/chapters/33578199).
> 
> As always, drop me a line at the comments below or at onewhiteblossom@gmail.com. I love to talk <3  
> For more Yuzu love, check my [twitter](https://twitter.com/onewhiteblossom).


End file.
